star crossed lovers
by smartalker
Summary: So, you mind teaching my how to seduce a guy?


**Note**: I'm pretending to have leadership qualities. If you're interested, (and you should be) check out my profile for a link to a new, Fairy Tail writing community my friend and I just set up. There are weekly prompts, though we'll take any and all writing that's FT related. Even if you don't have a LiveJournal, you're more than welcome to yank the prompt and post it to . Thus ends this shameless advertisement.

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Star Crossed Lovers

"LUCY."

"Oh my god I swear I'm innocent really I've got my hands in the air and have I mentioned I'm a good person because I am I just hang around destructive bad influences and—Erza." Lucy cut her mad tirade short and stared at her friend in puzzlement. She kept her hands in the air, for Erza didn't seem to be…quite herself.

There was the frilly pink dress, for one thing.

"I," Erza stopped, looking mortified, and adjusted one of the many flowers she'd woven through her hair, "I have a slight…problem. I mean. Not me. My friend."

Lucy wondered if it was safe to make any sudden moves. Erza fidgeted. Lucy squinted, "Are you wearing make-up?"

It was hard to tell. In all honestly, it more resembled the splotchy crayon drawings toddler-Lucy had decorated the walls with.

"No." Erza said quickly, and looked about ready to bolt. She had already raised one hand to toy with her hair self consciously, and Lucy felt herself give in.

"Well." She pushed an arm around Erza's shoulders and closed the door, "A friend."

"Yes." Erza said firmly. "I have a friend. With a problem. A very big one. Astronomical proportions."

"Okay," Lucy patted Erza's hair carefully, "And you're sure _you_ don't have a problem?"

Erza lurched away from him wildly, "I don't know what you're talking about. Who told you!?"

"I." Lucy had the distinct impression she was playing with fire, "I don't really know. Uh. About your friend—"

"She's lost her mind," Erza confided in a rush, "Completely mental. I recommend immediate incarceration. Or maybe—drugs. Lots and lots of drugs." She nodded twice to make her point clear, and then looked at Lucy hopefully.

"I have Advil?" Lucy offered carefully, and flattened herself against the wall as Erza dived for her bathroom. Lucy shot after her.

"Wait, Erza—" she was just in time to see Erza swallow. Lucy clapped a hand to her forehead, "You know you're only supposed to take two, right?" she sighed as Erza's eyes widened. "Oh, God. How many did you have?"

"…Some multiple of that." Erza said vaguely, but did appear slightly more calm. Predicting the oncoming coma, Lucy smiled painfully and steered Erza to the couch and sat her down quickly. Erza cleared her throat and then began, "My friend isn't very…girly."

Lucy reexamined Erza's present state of dress, and began gently wiping some of the paint off her face, "But Erza why would you—she. Why would _she_ want to be?"

"Because!" Erza said immediately, "Because sometimes I—she. Sometimes she just wants to be different."

"Okay…" Lucy dragged, hoping Erza would continue, but the redhead clammed up, and simply stared at her with huge eyes. A light bulb went on. "Is this about a guy?"

Erza fell of the couch, "WHO SENT YOU?"

"I," Lucy recoiled in shock, "I was just guessing, I swear! Please don't hurt me!"

There was a long, slow pause, when Erza drew in a deep breath, and assumed a face suggesting she was about to undergo some grueling battle. "Can you—can you tell me how to seduce someone?"

"EXCUSE ME?" Lucy shrieked, and then winced along with Erza. Her heart was beating very, very quickly, and she couldn't remember having ever been so embarrassed. Erza flushed and glanced away, suddenly adorable in her awkwardness, and Lucy felt herself melt a little bit.

"I—uh. I can try." She stammered, and coughed, "Who is it?"

Erza looked like she wanted to die, "I. Um. I-I-It's…a…person. Who you know. And is…tall. With dark hair."

Lucy considered this, "Please tell me it's Gray and not the creepy guy who sleeps on my doormat."

"Say what?" Gray asked, strolling calmly through the room with a towel around his neck. Erza abruptly went rigid. Lucy hid her face in her hands.

"I told you to take a shower at your own house!"

"…I forget where I live," Gray said evasively, and waved one hand to illustrate his point, "It's all very vague to me. And I owe my landlord three year's rent."

"Irresponsible maggot," Happy observed from atop her refrigerator.

"GO HOME." Lucy roared. They all ignored her. Gray, because he was too busy eating her food, and Erza because she was trying to crawl underneath Lucy's couch. Happy fluttered off to Lucy's bedroom.

"Natsu! Wake up! Lucy's about to have a fit!"

"Natsu?" Erza repeated with interest, "What's Natsu doing in your bed?"

Lucy studied the ceiling, "I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about."

"Erza, what're you wearing?" Gray asked with faint revulsion, and Erza flushed all the way to her toes. Lucy sent him a glare.

"At least she _invests_ in clothes."

Gray looked down, "…Why did it have to be the Valentine's Day boxers. Honestly." He muttered, and stomped out of the room.


End file.
